Musharraf: When I was born, the military fired 51 canons.
Santa: Allas ! None hit the target.Ek train bohot time baad chali.
Muslim kehta: Ya Ali bala tali.
Hindu kehta: Jai Bajrang Bali.
Sardar kehta: Arre Ali aur Bali, train apni nahi, saath vali chali !!!
Baba Ji ka dera bohot chamatkari hai. Sach mano vaha jo bhi koi buri niyat se jata hai, jalke bhasam ho jata hai.
Salman vaha gaya to bhasam ho gaya, Hrithik bhi bhasam ho gaya. Malika vaha gayi to…
….to anarth ho gaya….
Babaji jalke bhasam ho gaye!!!American: Hamare yahan shaadi e-mail se bhi hoti hai.
Laloo: Kamal hai hamare yahan to shaadi sirf female se hoti hai.
Laloo to policeman: Yeh har taraf kiyon likha hai: Gadi Dhire Chalao.
Policeman: Kiyon ki, Laloo Ji, yahan duur duur tak koi hospital nahi hai.
Servant to Maalik: Maalik, Ramu apko gadhe ke barabar bhi nahi samjhta.
Ramu: Nahi maalik, yeh jhooth bol raha hai, mein to samjhta hoon ji.
Train mein ik mosquito Chinese ke sir pe aa baitha. Vo us ko pakar ke kha gaya.
Fir ik matchar Bania pe baitha. Us ne pakar ke Chinese ko poocha “khareedoge kya !!!”
Bania's Son: Papaji bahar Swimming pool k liye chanda mang rahe he..
Kanjoos Bania: Koi baat nahi Beta, Ek lota paani de de.
Teacher: Tumhare papa 500 rupees loan lete hain. 10% interest ke hisab se voh 1 saal bad loan vapis karte hain. Batao kitne paise vapis karenge?
Bania's son: Kutch bhi nahi.
Teacher: Tum maths nahi jante.
Banis's son: Me to maths janta hu, par aap mere papa ko nahi jante.
Bania's son: Daddy meri dur ki nazar kharab hai SPECKS banva do.
Kanjoos Bania took him outside & said: Voh dekh kya hai?
Son: Suraj
Kanjoos Bania: Abbe ullu ke patthe, aur kitni dur tak dekhna chahe hai tu.Bania market jata hai underwear
purchase karne.Bania: Yeh kitne ka hai?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500.
Kaa:njoos Bani Arey bhai daily wear
dikhaao, party wear nahin.Sardar to Bania friend: Main apna purse
Kanjoos Bania: Dost hi to dost ke kam
ghar bhool aaya, mujhe 1000 Rs chahiye.
aata hai. Yeh lo Rs.10 . Riksha karle ghar
jao aur apna purse le aao.Lalu found answer to the most difficult question ever: What came first- the chicken or the egg?
Hum jiska order pehle dunga, vahi pehle ayega na!Voh choom le ik bar to aati nahi neend
Unki meethi avaz mein jati hai raat beet
Iss liye kehta hu ye risk na uthao
All out lagao machar bhagao…
Santa & Banta were sitting in a kabristan & were talking.
Santa: Banta Ji, dekho yeh murde kitne aaraam se apni kabron mein sote hain.
Sare murde uth khare hue aur bole: Kiyun na soye, yeh jaga apni jaan de ke hasil kee hai...Ik aadmi kabar ke oopar baitha tha. Mayawati udhar se nikal rahi thi
Mayawati: Tum ko dar nahi lagta?
Aadmi: Darne ki kya baat hai, andar garmi bohot thi thori der ke liye kabar se bahar aaya hoon.Boy to friend: Dekho voh ladki meri taraf dekh ke muskura rahi hai.
Friend: Yeh to kutch bhi nahi, jab maine pehli bar tumari shakal dekhi thi to 3 din apni hassi nahi rok paya tha.
Vo bi kya din the jab ladkian apko apni baho main leti thi kiss karti thi aur kehti thi:
Kitna pyara baccha hai!!!Chor ik ghar main chori karne gaya.
Tijori pe likha tha “Tijori ko todne ki jarurat nahi hai 452 number press karke sahmne vala lal batan dabao, tijori khul jaegi. Jaise hi batan daba alarm baja aur police aa gayi.
Jate jate chor seth se bola: aaj mera insaniyat se vishvas uth gaya hai!!!
A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border. Both countries start fighting over egg. Finally Indians say whoever kiss more women in other country will keep the egg. Pakis say ok. Indians go to Pak and kiss 1000 women. Excited Pakis say its our turn now.
Indians say: Keep the egg.
Jai Hind !!!
Gabber Singh ka janam hua to usko ma ne jor se thapad mara. Pooch kiyun? Ma se poochta tha: Kitne aadmi the?
Kid (phone par): Madam, mera beta aaj school nahi aaygea?
Madam: Aap kon bol rahe ho?
Kid: Mere papa bol rahe hain.
Lawyer to Lalu: "Gita pe haath rakhkar kaho ke...... "
Lalu : "Yeh kya , Sita pe haath lagaya to court mein Bulaya. Ab fir Gita pe haath!!"
Santa: Tuhari car ka tyre puncture kaise hua?
Driver Banta: Ik daaru ki bottle iske neeche aa gayi thi.
Santa: Tumhe bottle nazar nahi aayi?
Banta: Bottle uss bande ki jeb me thi jo meri car ke neeche aaya tha.
Maalik Makaan: OK, mein tumko kiraya dene ke liye aur 3 din ki mohlat deta hun.
Sardar Ji: Theek hai ji, mein Diwali Holi aur Chrismas ke 3 din select karta hoon.
Mayawati apne friend Lalu ke ghar GOAT le ke jati hai..
Lalu: E Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho ?
Mayawati: Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai
Lalu: Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!Train me laloo ne apna trunk upar samaan rakhne vali jagah par rakh diya. Neeche Mayavati baithi thi.
Mayavati: Lalooji, apna samman kahi or rakho, mere sirr pe gir jaega.
Lalu: Koi baat nahi behanji, iss me tutne vali koi cheez nahi hai.
Ek 10 saal ka kid bohot dhyan se ek book pad raha tha, jiska title tha: "Kids ka paalan poshan kaise kare".
Mother: Tum yeh book kyon pad rahe ho.
Kid: Mein yeh dekhna chahta hun ke mera paalan poshan theek tara se ho raha hai ya nahi.
Q Who was the first Indian woman to fly abroad.
A Sita went to Lanka.Q What does a kangaroo say when he finds her kid missing?
A Aaila!! kisi ne mera pocket mar liya.
Q What would you call a girl who never laughs?
A Hasina
Boyfriend apni girl friend ko I love you kehta hai aur gir jata hai.
GirlfFriend: Yeh kya kar rahe ho?
Boyfriend: I'm falling in love.
Girlfriend: Will u marry me?
Boyfriend: No, hamare yahan shaadi sirf relatives mein hi hoti hai. Mummy ne Papa se, Didi ne Jijaji se aur Bhaiya ne Bhabhi se.
- Q. Prasad ne Kumble se Pepsi laane k kaha.
Kumble Pepsi kee ek bottle leke aa gaya par seedha Sachin ke paas pahooncha. Bataao kyon?
Ans. Tendulkar is an opener. - kamal, vimal do bhai the, dono bus stop pe khade the..
bus aai vimal chadh jaata hai per kamal nahin jaata hai. Kyon?
Ans. Kyonki bus per likha tha ONLY VIMAL !!!!! - Amitabh aur Pran dono bus stop pe khade the...
bus aai aur Pran chadh jaata hai per Amitabh nahin jata Qyon?
Ans. pran jaaye per bachan na jaaye Maalik to Santa: Tu to kehta tha ke tu thakta nahi hai. Aaj fir tu sota hua paya gaya hai.
Santa: Mere na thakne ka yahi to raaz hai.Husband: Agar tumhe kuch ho gaya to mein Pagal ho jaaunga.
Wife: Doosri shaadi to nahin karogey?
Husband: Pagal ka kya hai, kuch bhi kar sakta hai
Napoleon: There is no such word as 'Impossible' in my dictionary.
Santa: Tum ne dictionary dekh ke nahi kharidani thi na...!
Santa, Banta & Laloo ik scooter par ja rahe the. A traffic cop tried to stop them.
Santa: Sorry phaji, already 3 baithe hain. Bilkul bhi jagah nahin hai.- Lalu was getting bitten by mosquitoes the whole night. He got irritated... drank poison & said, Ab kaato saalon, sab maroge!
Lady doctor: Tum roz subah clinic ke bahar khade ho kar auraton ko kyon ghoorte ho?
Lalu: Ji aap hi ne bahar likha hai: Auraton ko dekhne ka samay 9am - 11am hai.Lalu to Rabri: Agar tum batao ki is bag ke andar kya hai, to sare eggs tumare, agar batao kitne eggs to 8 ke 8 tumare, aur agar tum bata do ke ande kiske hain to vo murgi bhi tumari.
Rabri: Lalu Ji, Koi hint do na?Santa ek Sadhu se bola: Baba, meri biwi bahut pareshan karti hai, koi upay batao.
Sadhu: Beta, upaay hota to main sadhu kyun banta?In a football match.
Laloo: Ye log ball ko pair kyun maar rahe ne?
Boy: Goal karne ke liye.
Laloo: Paar ball to pehlan hi gol hai, aur kitni gol karengey.Frog: Tumhare paas dimaag nahin hai.
Blonde: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai.
Blonde: Hai.
Frog: Nahin hai (& jumps into a well.)
Blonde: Isme suicide karne waali kya baat thi?Ik Police Inspector ke ghar chori ho rahi thi.
Wife: Utho ji, ghar me chori ho rahi hai.
Police Inspector: Mujhe sone de, main is time duty par nahi hun.
Santa: Mein apni patni ko birthday par kon-sa gift du?
Banta: Ik diamond ring de do.
Santa: Nahi mein kutch badi si cheej deni chahta hu.
Banta: Fir MRF ka tyre de do.Sardar omelet banane ke liye anda fodta hai. Anda andar se khali nikalta hai.
Sardar: Kamal hai ji! Aaj kal murgian bhi abortion karvane lagi hain.Laloo Prasad Yadav ka beta 1000 Watt ke bulb par Laloo Yadav ka naam likh raha tha.
Laloo Yadav: Bitwa, e ka karat ho?
Beta: Aapka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
